I am in a bit of a conundrum in regards to this blog. The conundrum is this, what should I populate this blog with while I solicit my writing to be published. I could post some of my own writing, but then a magazine or website will often refuse it, regarding the piece as being previously published. It wouldn’t matter, I suppose, if I didn’t care that I am writing what I egotistically refer to as a masterpiece while I work as a pizza delivery driver, then it wouldn’t matter. However, I do care, my job is a meaningless, monotonous, drudge in which I pray for deliveries, but, such as the economy is, I get none, and thus no tips, and thus, little money.
But hey, maybe you ready the About Me page and are thinking, “aren’t you the Managing Editor of AllTreatment.com“. The answer is yes, and it is a job I enjoy very much, a job that motivates me by allowing me to be self motivated, a job which gives me the chance to talk to interesting people from all over the world, a job which does not pay. I hope I don’t come across as a bitter guy, because I am not, I am simply three or four shots into a bottle of Hendricks Gin, getting ready to work on my novel, and thinking of how I can possibly make money doing what I love in this bitter cold, this heartless economy.
There was this woman I saw, she stood there on the side of the street with a cardboard sign which I don’t remember what it said. When I rolled down my window, I saw that her nose ran, she was cold and probably sick, she looked like a mother. My heart ached for her, so I gave her five dollars, and she, seeing the pizza delivery sign on top of my car, she actually said, “No. I can’t take money from a working man. Are you hiring?” Oh, God, how my heart ached for her, I desperately wanted to give her a hug, but I never did. She, with a little coaxing, took the money with a blushed smile, either from the cold or from embarrassment. She said, “God bless you. Now I can go home.”
Sometimes, I spend hours writing, then I spend hours editing and deleting. Then I drive and see a starving mother on the side of the road and I wonder, what am I doing? I hope my words can help somebody out there. My goal is to give somebody a sense of, I don’t know, something. I was going to say peace, but my writing is often dark, perhaps because the world I am surrounded by is a dark world. People beheaded in Alcopolco, Mexico; Hatians dying of Cholera after surviving that horrendous earthquake; politicians shot at their own speeches. Where is our Gandhi? Our Mother Teresa? Our Martin Luther King? Someone with smile wrinkles, an enlightened prophet, a saint… Perhaps a Bob Marley who will sing about love, even when shot by those who hate… Where is our symbol of love?
I am now five or six shots into my bottle of Hendrick’s Gin. I couldn’t quite afford the bottle, but it was one of those days. If there are spelling mistakes, thats because I wasn’t a good speeler to begin with (that was a joke). I have just one thing that is always on my mind, it is this, “World, you have rendered me heart broken.” I saw a photo journal of the last ten years. It was full of blood. And sports. Isn’t that telling. I saw the movie “Moon” today, a fantastic work of art, Sam Rockwell is one of the best indie actors out there. Either way, the villain was a corporation, as is the case more and more often in movies now a days. Isn’t that telling… Just be warned, be careful who you trust, especially if it is a corporation.
But please, find somebody who needs love and give it to them. Buy that guy who used to own a business, you know the one, now he’s on the side of the road with a cardboard sign, buy that guy a burger. If you know a soldier who’s returned home, give him a hug, there is quiet wisdom in the eyes of some young soldiers, often times earned through excruciating circumstances. I am overly sentimental when I drink, at least I’m not depressed as I am prone to being when I think about the world.